TEENAGE DIVORCE PART 2.THE RIGHT PARTNER

TEENAGE DIVORCE PART 2. THE RIGHT PARTNER

In the PART ONE of this series TEENAGE DIVORCE, I explained what teenage divorce is. Click here to read the part one first . Jumping from one relationship to another is teenage divorce. In this series, I want to focus on choosing the right partner. Many people have asked, how do I get a right partner? Is there a one person for marriage? All these will be addressed in this post. Many people especially religious folks shy away from subjects like marriage, or sex. This same topic is what they experience flaws on. Knowledge especially the right knowledge of marriage will help you to avoid major mistakes like marrying a wrong person.

THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE
Before we talk of the right partner for marriage, let’s answer with the scriptures this very important question. WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP OR EVEN GET MARRIED? The essence of a marriage relationship must be marriage. What then is the essence of marriage? Lets go to the beginning.
Genesis 2: 23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. note note
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
We see Here that the essence of marriage is a cleaving between a man and a woman as one. So marriage was designed by God to make two one. It is in this cleaving we see other things like sex, giving birth to children, and the rest. If marriage is primarily for sex then a prostitute can perform the role of a wife. Though sex is very important in marriage because it is the highest level of intimacy between a man and a woman. It is part of the oneness. But, it should not the only reason for marriage. Also if marriage is designed just to have children, then one can just adopt Children and find someone to raise them. If it is for food, then good cooks can be hired as house chef. Marriage includes all of these but none of them is independently the essence of marriage. Marriage is designed to make two one. In marriage God unites two entities as one stronger entity. It is in marriage you express love in a special one you can not express as a single.( For more on love check my post on TRUE LOVE). When a man starts getting the urge to fuse with a woman in a unique way, the man is ready for marriage.

HOW TO KNOW THE RIGHT PERSON
Here, I want to make some points clear about the right partner. Before I do that let me counter some wrong believes about marrying the right person. Some people believe that there is one PARTICULAR PERSON they must marry. This is not true. What if the person dies? What happens? How sure are you of meeting the person among the billions of people on earth? There is no one person for you. There are only set of people suitable for you. We have many people looking for one perfect man/woman “Mr Right “ so growing up, they have their list full with the kind of man or woman they want. They get frustrated when the girl they are dating do not suit all the list. This does not mean you should not know what you want. Many people in this category have not even discovered purpose. The question is HOW did you manage to know the man or woman you want when you don’t even know where you are going? A lot of things helps in choosing the right partner. Let us look at some of them.
1.PURPOSE should be a priority in your choice. In the choice of who to marry you must first know what you are born for. You must discover your purpose from God and be in pursuit of it before talking of marriage. The two people may or may not have similar purposes , but their purposes must be suitable to each other. For example a man who is pastor and he meets a lady who does not have a heart for people and does not want to marry a pastor. The man may say let me marry and after that we find a way. Many times such men end up leaving ministry or marriage few years after marriage. HOW CAN YOU MARRY THE MAN AND THE WOMAN OF YOUR DREAM AND AT THE END THE PERSON KILLS YOUR DREAM?   Obviously that is not a person of your dream but illusion. The worst part is a man who doesn’t know yet the purpose of his life and he's thinking of relationship. For what? The woman is suppose to be a help meet. Question, what are you doing that she is coming to help? Be purpose driven, then the woman will come. Why not wait instead of jumping from one relationship to another. GIVE ATTENTION TO PURPOSE especially as a youth or teenager, when the time to need a partner in marriage comes you will know.
2.MARRY IN THE LIGHT. Some Christians have asked if they can marry an unbeliever? This is not suppose to be a consideration at all.
2Corithians 6:
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
Notice in this scripture you are called righteousness, the unbeliever unrighteousness, you are called light, the unbeliever darkness, you are called Christ unbeliever devil, you are called the temple of God and unbeliever idol. How did light manage to see darkness? Temple of God marrying an idol. HOW? The yoking is so unequal. You may say man of God, but the guy/girl is wealthy, caring, pretty or nice,. Calm down, what niceness or admiration did you see in darkness . A Christian should never marry an unbeliever. What if I get him or her converted before marrying her? Get the person saved first for the kingdom sake not for marriage. MARRY a believer. Not just a believer, at least some one of similar doctrinal persuasions. Unless you want to teach the person, then start it now. You can’t marry someone that Every time he/she sees cockroach prayer will start and you have a sound knowledge of Christ? The house will not be in other.
3.MARRY SOMEONE YOU BOND WITH. In that you can marry a Christian, is it any Christian? Obviously No. You must marry someone you bond with. That is someone you like. Tell yourself the truth it is not everyone you like and easily flow with especially as a guy. The girl's bond can easily be built if she accepts and the guy continually show her love and care. Don’t forget the essence of marriage is to cleave as one. How can you cleave to someone that all her actions irritate you, someone you can’t spend time with. You should just know you can’t marry such a person. And of course if you can't marry the person no need for a marriage relationship. This is why it is very good to marry a friend if not you will still have to build the friendship after the marraige. Never forget, MARRIAGE is all about bond and relationship
4.           MARRY A RESPONSIBLE GUY AND A LADY THAT CAN KEEP OR RUN A HOME. This is the part many people run away from. Webster defines to be responsible as : having the job or duty of dealing with or taking care of something or someone and able to be trusted to do what is right or to do the things that are expected or required. As man you should be responsible with things and people. Notice that Adam has a work to tend and keep the garden before Eve came to join him. This does not imply the guy must have millions before marriage. At least the man should be able to take care of His home and should have feasible plans on how to provide for the home,
1 Timothy 5 :8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. Faith in this verse refers to the teaching of Jesus. Any man than can’t provide for his house is not representing God fully who is the great provision. As a guy work on your sense of responsibility. You should not always be told what to do. And you want to marry? How will you lead your house? Part of responsibility is to be very visionary.
A LADY too should be able to organize and run a home. She should be well organized. In 1Timothy 5:14, Paul admonishes the younger widow who want to marry to guide/run the house. Many times as a lady you may not know how to organize the home depend on how you are brought up, but you should learn it. That shows you are getting ready for marriage. Part of running the house is COOKING GOOD FOOD. Many ladies shy away from this very important virtue. No lady want to agree she can’t cook. While some ladies will say cooking is not my thing. That is deception. As a lady you ought to improve on your cooking skill EVERY time. It is One of the best gift you can give to your husband. Your food should be what your husband look up to daily. HOW CAN A LADY BE PROUD TO SAY SHE CANNOT COOK? Or a lady cook one cup of rice with 4 cubes of maggi. That is poison. LEARN IT AS LADY. As a man, ensure your partner can cook or is ready to learn then teach her and enrol her in a training.
5.CHARACTER AND APPEARANCE MATTERS. Our character is Christ. In making your choice, they are basic things a lady or guy must have.
Ephesians 5:
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Notice in the above scripture, Paul in teaching Christ and the church pointed out that a WIFE MUST SUMMIT IN ALL THINGS TO HIS Husband not his boyfriend. A lady must learn to summit, if not she is not ready to marry. It is not what a man can do a woman can do better. It is what a man can do, a man can do better with a woman. The pride of a wife should be in submission not competition. This should be cultivated in courtship. The woman must learn to control the man by coming under, not by raising shoulder. This submissions must be unconditional in A marriage.
A man also learn to love the wife unconditionally. Learn to let go. And show love without necessarily demanding for anything. All this qualities are necessary to choose a partner.
Another thing is appearance. MARRY someone you are attracted to. This cannot be done away with. As a lady for example who likes short people very well, at least it should considered. A guy too should consider the beauty of the lady, you should be attractive to your partner. This also matters. Though you don’t marry only base on appearance.
6.ALLOW GOD TO GUIDE YOUR CHOICE. Many people in a bit to sound not too spiritual overlook this. Marriage is such a vital issue that you cannot afford to make a mistake. God is interested in your marriage. Consult Him before making your choice. Never forget He is the one that has seeing the future. He might have seeing that your guy who seems very caring now is not really caring in the time of adversities. Why NOT ASK GOD? Let your spiritual authority like your pastor know of your choice. Also be wise, even if God showed you the person still apply wisdom. You cannot just work up to some one and say God say I should marry you, aba, is it God that will marry her? Be responsible for your choice. Never forget, that it is God that ordained the relationship doesnot Mean it cannot have issues. Still depend on God to solve the issues. God sent Paul to Macedonia in Acts 16 yet he was imprisoned there. But, it turned out well at the end. Don’t say if it is God it will work, play your part even while placing absolute trust in God.
In summary, the right partner is a Christian friend that you like and that can bond with you and achieve purpose with you.